Escalators 101

It’s time to start enforcing the law of escalators. That law is: When riding an escalator, stand on the right and walk on the left. This is by no means a law exclusive to New York. It applies anywhere in the world there are escalators. Stand on the right. Walk on the left. It’s easy and simple.

No one is required to walk up the escalator if they don’t want to. By all means, relax and enjoy the ride if it amuses you or if you are injured, elderly or just tired. But be sure that you stand to the right to let others pass. Your condition is no excuse to deprive others the precious freedom of movement or delay their getting home to their loved ones.

And when someone says “excuse me” on an escalator and you’re standing on the left, move. Step immediately to the right and let people pass. I don’t care how much luggage you have or how much you like standing next to the person you’re with, move. Tired after walking all day? Move. Don’t understand English? ¡Muévete! Bougez! 이동! Muoviti! 移動！Move immediately and without complaint or accept being shoved or trampled. A good rule of enforcement is to say “Excuse me” politely three times. If the person is still in your way, knock them to the right where they belong or stomp them down so you may walk over them.

Think of our sidewalks, stairs and walkways as roads with lanes. Just as the left lane is for passing on our highways, it’s for passing on our walkways as well. You know that horribly frustrating feeling you get when some doofus is driving 55 miles per hour or slower in the passing lane? Imagine that same feeling amplified 10 times when you see the train you are trying to catch and a polite “Excuse me” goes unheeded several times.

I understand that New York is filled with many people from parts of the country and world where escalators may not be common. When I worked at JFK Airport, the escalator in the American Airlines arrivals terminal would be shut off when the flights from Haiti arrived because passengers from those flights were so unfamiliar with escalators. People from the third world or rural parts of the U.S. get a six month grace period to learn how to use an escalator; that’s being generous.

Let’s educate our fellow man and enforce the law of the escalator with sharp elbows and steel-toed boots.

Merry Christmas from Queens

Last month I said a fond farewell to Inwood and moved to Flushing Queens, where the Korean restaurants are open 24 hours and the Cherry Valley Deli is a short distance away. I am making Double Satanic Deviled Eggs—listening to SLAYER makes them Double Satanic—to bring to a family gathering later.

Flushing is imbued with the Christmas spirit like other parts of the city. There are plenty of lights and other decorations about, though the decorations here cannot hold a plastic candle to some of the over-the-top light displays that have made some New York neighborhoods famous.

Queens is New York’s largest borough. Like The Bronx, Queens was a jumble of different towns and villages before it became part of New York City in 1898. It maintains that scattered identity, though people from Queens are proud of it and the borough has produced some of our most talented New Yorkers. Queens gave the world both The Ramones and Run DMC.

With the exception of Astoria and maybe Long Island City, the neighborhoods of Queens have not acquired the kind of cultural cachet that parts of Brooklyn have acquired. This is a great hidden blessing, as Queens has maintained much good New York character and not suffered from price-inflating gentrification that has eaten away the many once working-class neighborhoods of Brooklyn and Manhattan.

I miss Inwood and its many unique features but Flushing is an interesting place as well and there is a lot to discover here too. This has been an interesting year and 2012 promises to be interesting too.

I hope you are all taking the time to enjoy the holidays. Those of you in New York City, don’t forget to enjoy the holiday scenery and don’t be ashamed to be a tourist in your own city.