Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Prohibition Is ‘Loko’

Here in New York, while our infrastructure crumbles, our city and state governments go broke, schools fail, crime increases, and unemployment remains high, our political leaders busied themselves engaged in modern-day prohibition and forced an alcoholic beverage off the shelves.

Store owners have until Dec. 10 to sell whatever Four Loko they have left. The beverage, which contains generous helpings of alcohol and caffeine, has been called “blackout in a can,” by drinking aficionados and moralizing politicians. Several other states have moved to ban the drink and others like it.

Without getting into the argument against the ban on alcohol for people under 21, the more recent problem of young people harming themselves with these drinks could be solved by enforcement of already existing laws. Also, now that it has been outlawed, stores are going to sell out of Four Loko fast, and more kids will be encouraged to drink it to see what the fuss is about.

Somewhere people are hard at work thinking of the next legal way for people to annihilate their brain cells, because people will buy products that get them drunk and/or high. They always have, always will. You can outlaw anything you want; people are going to find new ways to fuck themselves up. Have faith in the powers of human invention and the drive to escape reality. A year or two from now, the government will ban something new.

Also, doesn’t it occur to anyone in government that Americans have the right to be drunken idiots? It’s our right to poison ourselves slowly with tobacco, alcohol or (in my case) caffeine. So long as it’s not poisonous or fraudulently labeled, the government should not interfere with our right to drink disgusting drinks until we puke ourselves.

Do not give one inch on anything. If it’s legal today, make sure it stays legal. Yesterday it was clove cigarettes. Today it’s Four Loko and similar drinks. Tomorrow it will be double cheeseburgers. They’ll pry a bottle of Diet Pepsi from my cold, dead fingers.

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