Super Bowl Sunday: A Celebration of Sloth and Decay

There are much, much better investments of your time than watching the Super Bowl if your favorite team isn’t in it. Nonetheless, millions with no civic pride at stake will watch hours of generally boring sports and just as many hours of commercials and nonsensical blather. That it has managed to make itself a cultural event that has a large chunk of its viewers more interested in the commercials than the game is a testament both to the business acumen of the National Football League but also the endlessly hyped and televised state of America.

I’m no exception. For me, the Super Bowl is nothing more than an excuse to sit on the couch and eat and watch television. These are things Americans excel at. I’ll also feel culturally out in the cold if I’m not tuned in. This is the big news of the day today. It is the epicenter of our country’s consciousness for better or worse.

As a New York Jets fan, I hate both teams but hate the Patriots more. They are documented cheaters led by an underhanded coach and a Prima Donna quarterback. They managed to screw two cities in different states when they blackmailed their way into a new taxpayer-funded stadium years ago. If those aren’t enough reasons to root against them, they recently released veteran player Tiquan Underwood on the eve of the Super Bowl.

And as a measure of our culture and the state of the U.S.A., it’s a sad commentary that the program will show us as a people who would rather do something safe and routine than new and interesting. Madonna would be a good halftime show choice if this was the 1985 Super Bowl. There was a time when Madonna was considered risqué and adventurous, but those days were already over when Eli Manning was still in grade school. As a general policy the Super Bowl halftime show should be performed by artist’s who’ve had a record in the Billboard top 10 within the past year. Certainly you can find someone in that group that’s not going to take off their clothes.

I’ll be impressed if the Super Bowl actually produces a good football game. It’s usually a lopsided snooze fest in between commercials. Either way, here’s hoping there will be some quality television to keep me company while eating.